Tuesday, January 24, 2012

whether or not


...i like it, right now is a time of change.

i didn't choose it, but that is often what happens in life - events are out of your control. if choices had been offered, i might have pulled my stripey socks up, packed my bags and reconfigured my life in a way that i ultimately know (now) is a much better one for me.

perhaps there is something though, in returning to past spaces, taking a trip down memory lane, only to realise that it isn't the same lane you remember at all. it is no longer bathed in the rose-coloured hues you once thought it was (and perhaps it was back then, but no longer). turning around and taking that step back there does help in the end, because ultimately it helps you realise how far you have come. how you have grown since those days, and once you actually face your demons - those little voices in your head that tell you everyone will remember you as someone that you no longer are not (and yes, people do remember you as that person, but you can correct them) - by staring them down, they shrink down to a more miniature version that is completely manageable.

imagination is an amazing thing. it allows you to dream futures, utopias and new worlds. on the flipside though, if you let it get the better of you, those over inflated demons who you've completely resurrected from the ghostly past seem far more real and tangible. until, that is, you take a stick, poke them and realise they're made up of nothing more than your fears.

and the funny thing about fears (well, its probably not funny), but that's all that they are. fears. they're not this moment. they're just something that sits in front of you taunting you that they could realise themselves in the next moment. whether they do or not - in my case, a big fear of mine came into being (perhaps because i voiced it out aloud, rather than seeing it as only a fear and of no real consequence) - there is a life that continues afterwards. perhaps not the one that my beautiful imagination had conjured up and hoped for, but there are other people to interact with, other friends to see, other conversations to have, other paths to be explored and adventures to have, and other soundtracks.

because once you turn again to face forward, you can then realise how far you have come since those days of your rose-tinted past, how you've grown (into the person you are right this very minute) and how you have the ability to (yes, imagine) but also take sure steps to make sure the future is one that you want it to be.

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