missing

missing is a little bit like wishing. you wish that it could be a different way, and you miss all the characteristics about something that made it what it is, or was.

in my case, lets be honest, i'm missing someone i considered my best friend. and while it might not have been such a great time for them (as there were pretty challenging circumstances surrounding the last phase of my life these past few years), it seems ironic that... almost the minute they're not around, i start to be able to do all the things again that we enjoyed together. like the pressure is off, and i can do all those enjoyable things again, like dancing to good music, going to be the beach, wandering the streets taking photos of graffiti, walking to chinatown for dumplings, nites out having drinks with friends and hanging out in the sun.

i have to accept that they chose a different path, but one part of me can't help but wish that they were around, hanging with my crew, to now take part in this new phase. of course, i've got other friends to share these times with, and i do, but there is that twinge every now and again, that wishes they were part of this renewed adventure too.

i do think that life can pass you by pretty quickly, and whatever differences are better worked out, because as we all know (or should do, and if not, are learning), nothing is forever, and if we're only on this planet for a certain amount of time, then when we're truly gone for good, would we have missed not sharing at least some of those moments. i know i would.

soulmates

i ran into a quote online today, that seemed pretty poignant:

"Maybe your soulmate is... the person who forces your soul to grow the most. Not all growth feels good." - Rabbi Ari

and perhaps this is really true. it's a topic that i've been thinking about a bit lately, and i do wonder, when you need to clean up your act, who else might you listen to and then actually act upon these comments? okay, in my case, i didn't start to really act until it was too late - but i think had i heard it from anyone else, i still wouldn't have even begun to sort out my shit in the way that i'm taking the steps now.

so while i should have made bigger steps far sooner, because that person deserved to be hanging around the awesome me (not the one that i hadn't noticed that i'd even become in the past year or so), its not too late to clean my act up, even if now, its only for myself.

but i do think that when you really feel someone is your soulmate, it always remains so. so because of this, that growth is inspired by them, even if it is now a hard road to take.

wishing

i think its only natural that when a situation changes suddenly, you long for how things were. even if they weren't ideal. (because ultimately, there is no perfect person, situation or other entity.)

thats the thing, when things aren't great, you sometimes focus on only the bad, and when they're gone, all of a sudden you start to realise all the good parts about a something that you had perhaps been overlooking. while its a shock to realise all the good things walk away, and that the things that troubled you aren't actually that much of a big deal (and of course you could live with) - it is a good moment to take stock.

that is the big lesson in appreciating what you have at the time, because nothing is guaranteed and nothing lasts forever. (even if you really truly believe that things are going to last as close as possible to that concept of forever.)

if you don't do this every once in a while (preferably before the crisis happens) then you can't see the wood from the trees. you need to look up and view the sky and the clouds, rather than only seeing the concrete footpath you're treading on, one step after another.

so - no taking things for granted. okay. life changes every second, it gets better, it gets worse - either way, it changes. and that very precious thing to you, in the next moment, might be gone...